Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
