I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
