Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
