I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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