You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
