K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize