Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
