Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
