we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
