i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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