I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
