My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
