I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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