He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
