No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
