You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Randomize
