In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize