It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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