I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
