My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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