Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
