Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
