Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
