I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
