ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
