Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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