i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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