After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
