Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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