Just cropdusted the office
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
