FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
