I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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