I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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