I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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