I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Less talking, more tequila
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
