Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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