Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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