my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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