The maid of honor just puked.
She's JV to your varsity
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
