You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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