It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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