i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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