my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
