the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
