Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
