2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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