im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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