I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
