I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
