I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
