How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
