how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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