my being single is dangerous.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
