he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
