i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
