careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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