i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
