So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
