my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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