I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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