it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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