I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
