I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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