I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
