My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
