She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
